Saturday, July 17th
It has been 2 whole months since we last held you or squeezed your hand or kissed your sweet face. This month has been much more difficult than the first. Maybe it is because the initial shock is wearing off and the reality of your absence is finally setting in. There are no profound or eloquent words to describe this feeling we are feeling. In all honesty, everything just sucks right now.
It is like we are living two separate lives. One life is what everyone else sees... when they see us at work or the store or the pool or functions. But the other is sitting right below the surface... the pain, the longing, the regrets, the grief, the guilt. Keeping my mind and body constantly busy is the way I deal best with things. I run. I go to work. I read. I clean. I take the girls to the pool and activities. I schedule play dates. I shop. I mow the grass. I plan. But the day always comes to an end, and just like when we were in the hospital, the night time is always the most difficult. As my mind and body begin to slow, the heaviness of your loss begins to descend upon my mind and heart. It is paralyzing. It is suffocating. It is all consuming. Sleep eventually comes, as does a new day, and the cycle begins all over again.
You taught me more about life and myself than I ever realized. And lately the lesson that keeps surfacing the most is: It is ok to be human. It is ok to be imperfect. It is ok to get angry. It is ok to be sad. It is ok to want to be in control. It is ok to lose your patience. It is ok to not have everything figured out. You showed me that while it is ok and sometimes necessary to go to those dark places, it is not ok to dwell there. It is important to take the next step... do the next right thing... keeping searching for the joy. And we try to do that each day to honor you.
I struggle daily between wanting time to stand still or to pass more quickly. One one hand, each day that passes takes me further from our time together on Earth which makes me miss you more. But on the other hand, each day that passes brings me one day closer to being reunited with you in Heaven. The sweet Mama of a brave warrior(#noahbrave) who I know you have already met said "The veil between here and there is so close, I'm just one breath away." I try to find peace envisioning that Heaven is so close... you are so close... our reunion is so close.
Until I can hold you in my arms again sweet girl ❤ #brAvery
That’s the sweetest picture of your angel. Hugs
Not a day passes that I don't remember her, pray for your family, and ask God for peace and understanding for this huge loss. She is with the other angels and happy, whole, and will never cry or hurt again. What a reunion day that will be in Heaven when you see her again. I cannot imagine your pain or the suffering you are going through, but I am praying for all of you!
God bless you all. My heart still aches for all of you. This little beauty definitely makes Heaven more beautiful . Her bravery, her beautiful smile, her love for all of you are things that made those of us that followed her story over those two years grow to love her. God bless you all❤️
Lori Beth, You have always been a strong women even as a young lady. Thank you for sharing this unimaginable journey you are walking. Praying for you sweet lady and your entire family. Love you!
Lori Beth, my heart hurts so bad for you. I am a mother and a grandmother, so I can relate to the feelings that you are having wanting to hold her and love her. I am praying for God to give you peace and comfort, and something that I am not good at myself, patience. Patience to let God heal you and patience to see her again. I pray, also, that you can start to enjoy life again, without the aching sadness. Your brave little girl was so generous, she would want that for all of you, because we always want the best things for the ones we love, and she loved you all dearly. God bless you with str…