Friday, September 17th
It's difficult to believe that another month has come and gone. Each day presents new emotions and challenges, but the pain and emptiness remain constant. On Wednesdays, I sometimes catch myself wishing we were going to Clinic. But I have to remind myself that that would not be fair to Avery. She shouldn't have to continue to suffer to ease my suffering. I still miss listening to her playlist on the way to Clinic. I miss her requests for Starbucks or Krispy Kreme on the way home. I miss watching her excitement as she picked out a prize to get after she got her port accessed. I miss the all of time that we spent together(good and bad). For 21 months, we were never apart for more than a couple of hours, so learning to live in her absence is difficult.
Each day I still question the purpose of Avery's journey. What was God's plan? It's a plan I was never consulted on. It's a plan I will never understand on this side of Heaven. And it's a plan that if given the choice, I would have never agreed to. But God has a plan and purpose for everything, and just because I don't understand it doesn't make it any less perfect. God does not make mistakes. There is a song on Elevation Worship called "Never Lost", and these lyrics really make me reflect on what I know and believe about God.
"You can do all things
You can do all things but fail
Cause You've never lost a battle
No You've never lost a battle
And I know, I know
You never will"
Even though it often feels like Avery's battle was lost, we know that God and Avery really won.
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. I would ask you to make an effort to learn more about it and help raise awareness. Share a post. Donate to an organization funding research. Wear gold or put a gold bow on your mailbox. Pray for the families fighting - past, present, and future.
Although we have not met ( at least that I can recollect) my kids and I continue to pray for you and your family, just as we prayed for Avery for nearly 2 years. My heart breaks for you all. I can not begin to imagine your daily struggle. And I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Because of your precious Avery and her journey (and of course the Lord) my 7 year gave her life to Jesus on May 13 of this year. Through our talks and prayers for her, my daughter wanted to know your sweet Avery’s heart for Jesus and she wanted her decision to be the same. Not to copy, but through our discussions and…
I still think of you and Shon often. This is such a sweet testimony about Avery and your relationship and love and memories of her, even though some of the memories were not so good. I’m sure it seems like an eternity since you have got to hug sweet Avery. Continued prayers for all. 🙏🙏
What a beautiful testimony to your journey. I understand your connection to Avery during the months of treatment. I had a similar experience with my son during his fight with Ewings sarcoma. His earthly fight turned out different than Avery's but their eternal home is the same! You are a very inspiring woman! Thank you for sharing with us!
I, too fail to understand God’s plan to let children die of cancer. It is my prayer that we will find a cure for childhood cancer. May God bless you all.